You are beautiful

Post a picture of yourself – sans makeup, fashionable clothing, or a fancy-schmancy hairstyle. A picture of yourself in your PJs, hugging your teddy bear, making a stupid face. A picture of YOU.

That’s the challenge Kristen Otts issued in her post, Beautiful People.

We live in a world of Photoshopped perfection. Everywhere we turn, we see images of people that the powers-that-be have declared beautiful. And then we beat ourselves up when we don’t live up to those images. It makes me cringe every time I see a picture of a size-2 celebrity/model–that has obviously been photoshopped to achieve flawless looks and perfect skin tone–on the front of a teen magazine. Here, it tells impressionable minds, make yourself look like this and your wildest dreams will come true. But you know what? If you are not happy now, being thin and gorgeous will not make you any happier. You need to find that joy and love within yourself.

The media sets unrealistic expectations for us to strive for. We see how gorgeous these women (and men) are and we feel a need to try to look more like them. But what we are seeing is the final product of hours of work done by makeup and hair professionals, and often times hours of digital manipulation. What we are seeing is not real, and it makes me sad to see so many people (myself included at times–I can admit that) trying so hard to obtain a reality that doesn’t exist.

And don’t even get me started on the rash of people who feel the needs to starve themselves, or vomit up what measly meals they eat, or exercise at unhealthy levels to try to get the Hollywood-Perfect body. For many actors and models, keeping their bodies fit and toned is part of the job. They have personal chefs and nutritionist who make sure they are getting exactly what their bodies need to eat. Personal trainers help them develop exercise regimens that work with their specific body types and will help them get the look they are working for. Working out is part of the job.

(For the record: this is also why I passionately hate The Biggest Loser. Viewers watch the contestants lose insane amounts of weight, get into shape, and take control of their own bodies. Then they get depressed when their results don’t match those of the contestants on the show. What everyone needs to realize is: contestants on The Biggest Loser make working out a full-time job. They work with their trainers for 6+ hours a day. They eat only things that are approved by their nutritionist–and prepared by a chef so they don’t have to take the time out for meal preparation. Of course our at-home results are not going to be the same–we have LIVES TO LIVE!!)

Ahem. Moving on.

I am normally a pretty confident person, and I was blessed to have been this way most of my life. Still, there are times when I hate my body, and certain aspects of my body that I hate almost all the time. My self-confidence plummets in the winter, when I battle with depression, but usually comes back nice and strong once the depression starts to go away again (hooray for spring and summer!)(if it ever comes). For the sake of absolute honesty in this post, I am going to list a few things I dislike about my body, a few things I love about my body (best to end on the positive note, yes?) and finally my picture.

Things I really, really don’t like about my body

• My skin. I am 26, but I still have the skin of an acne-prone teenager. It is embarrassing and often painful. My face breaks out on a regular basis, mostly along the jaw line and down the sides of my neck. I know it is hormonal and that there are hormonal treatments out there, but I have some pretty big reasons for not using them. So I just deal with it and try to keep my skin as healthy as I can. I also break out occasionally on my chest, shoulders and upper back, though these don’t happen nearly as often as they used to (thank commas!).
• My stomach. It’s not so much that it isn’t all flat (which it isn’t, but whatever). It’s that I have a super short torso–short as in there is roughly half-inch between the top of my hip bone and my bottom rib. Mostly it just makes trying to find clothes really, really frustrating.
• My boobs. Okay, this is the part where I over-share something major. If you don’t want to know way too much about me, then go right ahead and skip to the next bullet point. Here goes: if I were to wear my actual bra size, not just ones that I can kinda make work, I would wear a 32H or a 34G, depending on the bra. Have you ever seen those sizes in a store? Me either. Sure, they make them, but in order to get my true size, I have to order them (at about $80 a pop) and then pay to have them shipped to Montana from England. I don’t know about you, but my bra budget it just not that high. My boobs make it super hard to buy clothes–don’t even get me started on trying to find a well-fitted, supportive swimsuit! Plus, they are heavy, uncomfortable, get in the way, and make my back hurt.
• My extra 20 pounds. Since I was about 16, I had weighed the exact same. Then, over the last two years, I put on 20 pounds. It is not so much the number on the scale that bothers me, it is that I am so flippin’ out of shape. Seriously, I am in the worst health of my life. Luckily, this is something that is completely within my control.
• My hair. I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. Some days I just love it, and others it drives me bonkers and I want to shave it all off.

Things I really love about my body

• My eyes. I just LOVE them. I like the color and the shape. I love how they seem to really POP at times. Also, I am fortunate enough to have been blessed with nicely shaped eye-brows.
• My nose. Okay, so it has a prominent bump on it. But you know what? I got that bump from my Gramma Ida, and I love that I have that little reminder of her right there on my face.
• My legs. I am one of the lucky ones when it comes to legs–they have just always been nice. They are long and athletic and I just really like their shape. I love that they take me wherever I want to go–hiking, running, biking. And, since I gain almost all my weight above the waist, my legs weren’t really effected by my weight gain. Also, I think that, as far as feet are concerned, mine are really quite cute.
• My lips. I don’t really know what it is about them, but I love ‘em! Apparently other people do as well–I have so many women who compliment me on my lips, it is almost getting creepy.
• My dimples. I got these from my daddy, and they are one thing I have always loved.
• My hair. See above.

And now! Me! With no make-up! Just being…ME!

Bub is also make-up free in this picture.

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