I know I said yesterday that nobody actually knows how to write a novel (other than one word at a time – Steve’s advice is pretty solid). But I have learned that some people really thrive on how-to lists and would benefit from a “How to Write a Novel” list.
So, I thought I would write one. Yeah, I’m helpful like that. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it. I give you:
Write a Novel in 15 Easy Steps
1. Get out your trusty computer. Sure, you can use pen/pencil and paper if you want. Or you can etch it into stone, if you would rather. For the sake of efficiency here, I am going to say go with a computer.
2. Turn off the interwebs. Seriously. The #1 surefire way to not get a darn word written is to be connected to the internet. On the World Wide Web, distractions abound. Mere mortals are unable to ignore the siren calls of websites. Luckily cutting off access to the internet mutes these calls and allows one to focus.
3. Open your preferred word processor. If you want to be compatible with most of the publishing industry, go with Microsoft Word. If you value your sanity, skip Word and instead find something that saves in Word format, but is infinitely better than Word. I use AbiWord, but there are a lot of good alternatives.
4. Stare at the blinking cursor.
5. Manically write 900 words.
6. Delete 894 words.
7. Use the restroom.
8. Stare at the blinking cursor.
9. Get up and get another glass of sweet tea.
10. Return to the computer and stare at the blinking cursor.
11. Write 504 more words; decide it would be better from another point of view.
12. Erase 510 words.
13. Stare at the blinking cursor.
14. Write one word.
15. And then another.
Lather, rinse, repeat (a lot) and there you have it – a novel!
And now the real fun begins.
2 Comments
Can’t……breathe…….laughter…..won’t…..stop…..holy…..hilarious……..bat………man…………….
Hehe. Glad to entertain.
But really, the system works.